The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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