I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
