okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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