you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
