Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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