you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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