none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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