maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
