Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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