Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
