I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
