if only i could text you this smell
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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