Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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