o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
