Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
