SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
