He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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