oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
