It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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