everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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