i permit you to call me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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