How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
