Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
barbara walters just said penis...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
