What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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