PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
