Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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