I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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