Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
