Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just crazy horny about you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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