He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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