She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hippo gnu deer
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
