I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
