Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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