And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
