At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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