He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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