There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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