Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
