God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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