you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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