btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
