I cockslap morals
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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