that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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