maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
