dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
