No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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