you guys were way drunker than both of me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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