Pants 0. Shit 1.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
