Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
