And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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