if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
