when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
