if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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