I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize