i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
