Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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