She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
