ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
