Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
