No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
