I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
