found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it because I queefed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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