you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
