Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
